What does it take to change?

Hello lovely readers. I have been musing on a question which in my experience a lot of us think about at some point and then skirt, because it feels quite challenging and uncomfortable and pushes us to ask ourselves questions, to which we may not like the answers- what does it take to fundamentally change?

Even contemplating the question can be tricky, because what does it mean to fundamentally change? Change what exactly? Change my health, my diet, become more active, change my career, change the way I show up in the world, change the relationship with friends and loved ones, with myself…all of the above? All of these can be achieved individually…but do they amount to the kind of change that you wanted or felt that you needed when you ask yourself the question? It can be perceived as a multi-layered challenge which is difficult to grapple or engage with.

A cursory look on Google tells you that it’s a topic that many people have tried to answer. The internet is stuffed full of “10 ways to change your life” type articles, which offer different solutions: let go of your regrets, set some goals, do the things that really scare you, live a welll balanced life, adopt a positive mindset. All of these have merit and can make a difference. But on their own, from my experience they will not necessarily take you to where you want to go. You also need determination, grit, resilience- because when you embark on something, a new project, life will try and keep you where you are, to test that you are serious and committed. “Are you sure this is what you want”?

You will hit hurdles that cause you to doubt yourself, there will be days when you are exhausted and can’t face the challenge. I am finding this a lot at the moment. I have days where I’m not feeling the best, where I need to be kind to myself and say “it’s ok, rest, take it easy, and try again tomorrow”. But I don’t give up, because I know that tomorrow is another day, and that although my energy may wax and wane, slipping back to where I was will feel way worse than the temporary pain and difficulty that I am going through. As my grandfather used to say, “anything worth achieving takes guts and hard work”.

That’s the thing. to get to where I’m going, I have to do the work.

I was reading a self help book recently, I forget which exactly, I’m reading a lot of this stuff at the moment, and I came across a statement which really resonated, but was terrifying at the same time. The author was making the point that throughout our lives we are told “don’t change who you are”, but that this was the opposite of what was needed for us to change and to grow. To become the person you want to be, you MUST change. You must kill the old you for the new you to have the space it needs.

How scary is that?